1. This is thee Book of the Growing of the Nostril Horn of the OverWHOAMan-icorn, of which the symbol in the profane world is the dot in the circle, and of which the meaning is Illumination.
2. Thou who readest this doth not read; thou who seeketh shall not attain; thou who understandeth doth not understand. For attainment and understanding cometh only when thou art not thou, yea, when thou art no-thing.
3. Once there was a Dude, a disciple of some great Member of our Order whom men name the Great Bud which signifieth He Who be Here & Now Mate. For men asked the Great Bud, Are you a God? And he answered, No. And they asked again, Are you a saint? And he answered again, No. And they asked then, What are you? And he answered: I am awake, mate. Thence is he known as the Great Bud, the Awakened One.
4. And the Dude, in order to awaken himself, practiced the Art of Meditation as taught by the Great Bud, which in its original form before being distorted by False Imaginings and Elaborations of Theologians, was but this: To look upon all incidents and events and Remember to Say Unto Thine Soul of each: This is transitory.
5. And the monk looked upon all incidents and events, Reminding himself always: This is transitory.
6. And the monk came close to Awakening, and therefore was he in great peril, for The Lord of the Abyss of Hallucinations, whom our Order calls E. Gawd, the Sky Tyrant, cometh quickly to one near Awakening, to hypnotize him again into the Sleep of Fools which is the ordinary consciousness of Men.
7. And E. Gawd did sorely afflict the Dude with death of offspring, and insanity of loved ones, and eye-troubles, and slander, and malice, and the great curse of Law Suits, and diverse sufferings; but the Dude thought only: This is transitory. And he was closer to Awakening.
8. And E. Gawd, the Sky Tyrant, the Lord of the Abyss of Hallucinations, then caused the Dude to die and reincarnate as an almost Mindless creature, a Parrot, which flitted from tree to tree deep in the jungle; and E Gawd thought, "Now he hath no chance of Awakening."
9. But a brother of the Great Bud came strolling one day through the jungle, chanting the Teachings, and the Parrot heard, and repeated the one phrase over and over: This is transitory.
10. And Mental Activity began in the Parrot, and the memories of his past life came to him, and the meaning of the teaching, This is transitory; and E. Gawd cursed horribly in frustration, and caused him to die again and reincarnate as an Elephant, even deeper in the jungle and further from the languages of men.
11. And many years passed, and there seemed no chance of Awakening for that soul; but the effects of good karma, like those of bad, continueth forever; and eventually Men came to the jungle, and took the Elephant captive, to sell him to a Boss Playa.
12. And the Elephant lived in the courtyard of the Boss Playa, and many years passed.
13. And another brother of the Great Bud came to the Boss Playa, and taught in the courtyard, and his teaching was: This is transitory. And memories awoke in the Elephant, and meaning was understood in the memories, and Awakening again came close.
14. And E. Gawd cursed wrathfully, and caused the Elephant to die; and this time E. Gawd took good care that reincarnation would recur at the furthest possible remove from all chance of Awakening, for E. Gawd caused that the monk be reborn this time as an American Evangelist.
15. And the Evangelist was of the Moral Majority and he journeyed across the American nation, North and South and East and West, preaching that all were in danger of hellfire, and that there was only One Path to Salvation, and that this Path lay in believing All he Said and doing All he Demanded.
16. And he enslaved many, who became mental Automatons, and these Automatons went about crying: Hallelujah! We Are Saved!
17. And Gawd was gleeful, for now the soul of the monk was further from Illumination than ever; for previously he had been a Subjectively Hopeless Idiot -- id est, one who is aware of his own hopeless idiocy -- but now he was an Objectively Hopeless Idiot -- id est, one who Thinks that he Knows when in fact he doth Know Nothing.
18. But the Evangelist met with others of the Clergy to discuss sending Missionaries to the Heathen of the East; and there One spoke of the superstitions of the Transient and Eccentrics, and he mentioned the Great Bud teaching that All is transitory.
19. And Mental Activity began in the Evangelist, and memories of Past Incarnations stirred; and E. Gawd, in bitter frustration, attempted the Last Trap of All, and caused the Evangelist to become MegaBroWhoaMan, Master of Masters, Penultimate Supreme Being of all possible Universes.
20. And MegaBroWhoaMan abode in Divine Bliss for billions of billions of years, creating many lesser Supreme Beings who created Their own universes and were as Gods to them; and MegaBroWhoaMan watched all this Activity and rejoiced in it with High Indifference; for MegaBroWhoaMan was Consciousness Without Desire.
21. And the Dude now seemed at last cut off from Illumination forever.
22. But finally MegaBroWhoaMan observed, after watching many Supreme Beings come and go, and all Their universes grow and flourish and perish, that the great Law of Laws is that All is transitory.
23. And MegaBroWhoaMan realized that He, too, was transitory.
24. And MegaBroWhoaMan achieved Illumination.
25. And MegaBroWhoaMan came back to ordinary consciousness in the mind of the Dude practicing the Great Bud meditation of looking on all things and thinking, This is transitory.
26. And the Dude did not know if he was a Dude imagining he had been MegaBroWhoaMan or MegaBroWhoaMan playing at being a Dude; and thus was his Illumination perfected.
[Lovingly remixed from RAW by Syd Arthur]
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